Friday, we took B trick or treating, he was looking official in his Fix-It Man costume. I actually only made it to one house, before running out of energy and heading for my porch. I could hear the voices behind me as I limped home, "Is she okay?" "Did she have surgery?" B's dad took him around the neighborhood and B ran back constantly to show me his Halloween loot.
Later then night, after B went again to spend the night with his dad, and my mom and I were watching The Amazing Race, we heard something hitting the back door. Before we could get spooked (it was Halloween after all), we heard a loud clap of thunder. We looked out the front door and there was truly a Halloween scene: lightening, red sky, leaves blowing everywhere, and a downpour of rain. I hope all the trick or treaters made it home. It was an excellent storm, lasting for hours. And now, as I write this, it is only 34 degrees outside and I am grateful my heating system once again works.
I am grateful for a lot lately, mostly people. Especially my mom, and everyone else I have ever met in my life I am so thankful for. October was a rough month for me, but I didn't exactly feel it catch up with me until these past couple days.
The week of October 6th I met with some specialists.
The week of October 13th I had a CAT scan, my mom arrived, I had a biopsy of liver and received my official diagnosis.
The week of October 20th I had a colonoscopy and a port installed in my chest.
The week of October 27th I had unsuccessful surgery to remove a tumor from my colon and my bowels diverted to a colostomy bag. I stayed 4 days in the hospital.
This upcoming week I start chemo.
I came home from the hospital and in the quiet, everything set in. I have stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to my liver. I have a bag hanging off my waistline where my bowel movements now go. I can barely eat. The cancer makes everything taste funny. The cancer gives me soaking night sweats. Where is my little boy? When will my life be ordinary enough for him to come home, and not just visit.
I suppose I should end this on a positive note, like, at least the chemo they are giving me is not likely to cause hair loss as a side effect. I hope my mind turns positive again, I think its hard when I have a constant (and noisy) reminder bulging out of my stomach.
I try to stay positive for this guy:
Picture taken by Nancy Cozart
I cannot adequately tell you how sorry I am to read this, but will try. Karen, let your mind go where it needs to go for now; process it and race back to the light.! We don't know one another personally, but I know this, you're a determined, brave, woman, it has always come through in your blogs. Hope you don't mind that I am praying for you and will continue do so. Much Love, Light and Brightest of Blessings to you!
ReplyDelete