Especially my mom.
And the way people describe me . . . I want to be that person again. I love teaching, love the connections I make with my students. I have never taught in a non Title One school. I drove to Alaska by myself. I have been to many beautiful places, hiking strong up mountains. I took B on weekend adventures almost every weekend which I had him. I am not trying to brag. I am saying I am envious of that woman. I want to be her again so badly.
As for now, I am on the chemo train. Highs at first. Who would have thought my first public appearance would be the mall! I walked, I sat, I walked, I ate a pretzel with cheese. I was ready to go back to teaching. I was ready to walk the neighborhood. I helped clean out a closet!!
And then the crash. And I am hot. And I am bored. And I feel guilty. And sometimes my liver cries out for HELP! And I wish my toddler would sit still for 9 seconds so I could just cuddle him. And I am sweaty. And then I am cold. It's tolerable, but it is an exhausting kind of tolerable.
There are mountains to climb.