1. I am only 37 years old
2. I am only 37 years old with a 3 year old son
3. I really want to see B grow up (but not Chuck E. Cheese, he's creepy)
4. He needs me and I need him
5. I could go on and on about how I need to be there when he is learning to read and when he starts kindergarten, and loses his first too and graduates and . . . but I will just refer back to number 4.
6. I looked forward to getting old
7. I looked forward to getting old and becoming a gardener
8. I looked forward to getting old and becoming a traveler
9. I will miss snow, the holidays, my family and friends, cheese, chocolate, the way B's hair smells
10. I never drew or painted that one piece of work that would sell to thousands
11. This is a never ending list. I am sure I will have more by tomorrow
Update: Yesterday I went to get my second dose of chemo. I actually get 3 types! I have been showing allergic reactions to one of the types, usually I feel nauseous and once I got a rash. But yesterday my body went into shock. It was scary but the whole thing was done and over within 15 minutes. However, no more of that chemo type for me. Or maybe I will get smaller doses. I am pissed because that chemo was doing more for me than the others.