Borrowed Time.

I have been a little MIA. I went in for a procedure and came out procedure-less (but at least they had already given me the drugs). My numbers were too bad for them to do any kind of procedure on my liver. Just call me Big Bird, because I was turning yellow with jaundice. 

My Oncologist isn't telling me everything. He's too kind.  But he did use the h word. Hospice. It was time. We knew from the beginning there wasn't a cure.

 He did offer me ideas for buying me more time. First, lets get some of this fluid out of my bloated belly.

Meanwhile I have had an outpouring of love and kindness. Offers to go anywhere totally funded. Offers of money, and offers of beach houses and mountain condos. My son and I spent a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge (not my thing but brought him so much joy). A friend of mine and I finally worked out a plan for a quiet nearby trip.

The procedure to de-fluid my abdomen was a no-go. They said there was no fluid. I was miserable.

We could also start over with chemo. You might ask, but isn't your liver too sick for chemo? Luckily, my chemo is processed by my ever-awesome kidneys.

FINALLY!! The chemo has made me feel so much better, even if I have to live with those side effects.

Eventually it will stop helping. We all understand that. But can it take me through the fall? Can it make me strong enough to play with my son? Like the cliche, I am living on borrowed time.

*pictures are from Maine and Vermont, from a while back.