Around Here . . .

I guess when I am not talking about hiking, I have nothing to blog about!

Around here, things have been roller-coastery for me. Last week, I was feeling a tad depressed. We were suppose to take Brycen to Asheville, but my stoma was showing signs of light bleeding. I want to travel so bad, but even a place 2-3 hours away seems too far.

So Friday I MADE myself get out of the house for something other than playing with Brycen outside. My mom and I went to Cheesecake Factory with a gift card I received from my birthday, and then to one of my favorite independent stores, Paper Skyscraper.

Outside, spring had sprung a little early:

On Saturday, Brycen started T-ball. What a difference between playing a sport at 3 years of age versus 4. The three year olds were adorable, but also provided the comedy! One little guy ran straight to second and kept going until he reached another field, where soccer practice was taking place. Brycen was much more content and relaxed with T-ball than he ever was with indoor soccer. In fact, I think he might have even been bored at times waiting for all the kids to have a chance to bat!

We celebrated his and his cousin's first practice by taking them to breakfast, where I had my first chicken and waffle experience. So good.

After we all went home and had a nap, it was off to my brother's house for a cookout, and for lego fun. I was doing great! So much energy.

On Sunday we decided to to do a little giving. We brought flowers to a close friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with cancer. We then crossed Charlotte's midsection, getting every single red light. I hardly recognized my old neighborhood! Brycen whined the whole time. There needs to be a faster way to get from East Charlotte to West, but B loved handing out a birthday present for another dear friend. And peeing on her sidewalk. Boys.

Random sky picture, because I LOVE hazy skies. I often can't stand hot days without a cloud in the sky to provide relief. 

I was still going strong Monday. I had CT scans done at a new place, not the hospital - and they offered CHOICES in contrast beverages. So instead of 32 ounces of odd tasting water, I got 2 16 ounce cups of Cran-Raspberry juice. Yummmm. I had never been to an office where people were so pleasant on a Monday morning, even though I was 15 minutes late for my appointment. (Again, Charlotte traffic).

We stopped for donuts on the way home, and then I got to work on another drawing. I had been completing a drawing every day or two . . .

. . . but it all ended on Tuesday. Chemo day. My CT scans from Monday morning showed growth in some areas but stability in my liver, which prompted my oncologist to continue my current every other week schedule - which is basically keeping me alive these days. On top of that, my stoma was enlarged and sore. Luckily a good friend of mine sat with me, and kept me entertained for the 2 or so hours. I rarely get to see her, so I was basically "throwing up" news after news about me and questions as to catch up. You know the stream of conversation when you have no idea how you got onto the topic? That was us! After I was hooked up to my 46 hour pump, she drove me home.

Tuesday night my stoma was still greatly enlarged, and I could see veins were ready to pop. I quickly put a cold compress on it, and it shrunk to normal size. All day Wednesday I slept or worked on a puzzle, and things seemed to be quiet in the ostomy bag.

t wasn't until after 9pm when I checked my stoma I realized it was heavily bleeding. Fortunately we got the bleeding under control, so no ER trip. But it means I will need a few days of laying as still as possible to not agitate it. This afternoon (Thursday) I went downstairs, propped myself on the couch as to not disturb the site, and realized I was bleeding AGAIN. Just from walking down the stairs! This time it was just lightly, but it sent me into a tizzy of a bad mood. Why do I have to deal with this damn thing when I feel so good otherwise? It is really scary because 99% of the time I don't know it's bleeding. It doesn't hurt. I'm scared I will bleed out while sleeping. I am scared I will pass out during a baseball game. And the worst part, is doctors really are baffled by it, except to say "just take it as easy as possible -it only bleeds when irritated." So I have to spend 3-4 days on my back playing games on my phone until I am cross eyed? Because it is really hard to sit up to draw, eat, even type this right now, without pissing off Ornery Mona the Stoma.

Guess who is more irritated?

But let's end on some happy pictures, from TWO weeks ago, when spring was just started to drift in. You can see by our hats it was still chilly:

I hope all is better with you!!

One more thing: Next month I am renting a place on the beach. Ocean front. I don't care the weather, people who know me know I love a rainy day as much as a sunny one. Brycen will be with us for at least half the trip, if not all (except I don't want him to miss T-ball). A friend from NYC might be here, she might not. All I know is, this damn stoma will NOT ruin this trip. Will. NOT.

How Cancer Affects me

Had a CT scan today. My theory is, no news is good news. If there is spreading (which I am convinced there is) he would call me in immediately. While we wait, let's talk about the C-word. I have not been watching the Cancer series on PBS. A lot of people have written to me about it. I probably should be watching it. I probably should be more educated.

All I really know is how cancer (and chemotherapy) has been affecting me:

(I seriously don't know if I should be writing effect or affect. Chemo brain).

1. My hair has greatly thinned due to my chemotherapy. I look like Skeletor's mom. Luckily, I look good in a hat. Here I am, on the left:

2. From October to December I lost over 40 pounds. I have held a steady weight since then, thank goodness. I lost a lot of muscle, which makes things like picking up my son impossible. I miss those muscles. I was always 15 - 20 pounds above a healthy BMI. Now I am 25 pounds under. In my situation, I would rather be over. But I don't miss the muffin top. 

3. I have night sweats. And I drool at night. What is up with that? I drooled during pregnancy too. I wake up and my shirt is drenched and my face is in a puddle. Gross. Luckily I find that wearing men's sleeveless undershirts to bed REALLY helps. The night sweats went away for a while but now they are back, another cause for worry.

4. I have hot flashes. My oncologist and I think I most likely went ahead and went through menopause. Great, my body thinks I am 20 years older than I really am. Not that I miss the cramps . . .

5. Because I am only 37, and never smoked, and never drank alcohol, and loved exercise and veggies, I tolerate chemo better than some people who go through it. Not to say I was in great health (see above - I was 20 pounds overweight) but man, did I have energy. Teachers have to have energy. Single mothers have to have energy. Outdoor enthusiasts have to have energy. And I was all three.

6. Not to say chemo is a walk in the park. As it builds up in my system I feel it more and more. Last week I slept exactly 70,000 hours. I was so comfortable with never leaving my bed again. Drowsiness and lack of energy have been 2 of the biggest effects from chemo on my body. I sometimes also have the "pins and needles" feeling in my fingers and toes (and sometimes calves) that is famous in chemo patients.

7. Sometimes I get "chemo brain" and I can't remember the answer to Jeopardy questions. I know, I can't believe it either. I used to be so smart. Also, who was that kid in sixth grade who called me carrot cake? Why does it matter?? "Chemo brain" is a great excuse when forgetting a birthday or showing up late. I don't remember how to get anywhere. Or when to use "effect" and when to use "affect."

8. I have a caregiver. I used to call it caretaker until someone finally corrected me. Anyway, my mom has lived with me since October and she is the BEST. Sometimes people ask me how I handle having her here all the time, don't I miss my privacy? But she is awesome and respectful and AMAZING and luckily . . . a past nurse.

9. Sometimes I get nauseated and throw up. Luckily this does not happen often for me. As in, last Monday I threw up for the first time since January. 

10. I have to deal with a colostomy bag. Hey, I have colon cancer. This by far has been the biggest change to my daily lifestyle. I really need to find a Young Person Colostomy Bag Support Group. I have had this thing for almost 6 months and I am finally comfortable cleaning, changing and caring for it myself . . . but did I mention my mom was a nurse? For those of you who don't know, a colostomy bag is an adorable little pouch on my waist which collects my . . . poo. I actually call it the poo pouch. I have to call a special company to order supplies through the mail. Its all fine and great but the thing can be so loud. Sit down to a nice dinner with family and friends and sounds like I sat on 12 whoopee cushions. There is no controlling the passing of gas. Last month it happened at Barnes and Nobles. I just rub my belly and apologize to the floor, refusing to make eye contact. 

All of this really isn't too bad, but the site itself (the stoma) makes me nervous. I am constantly afraid I am going to twist it, or it will pop off, or pop in and never come out again. I can't play rough with my son, who is currently a STOCKY 36 pounds of pure . . . boy. 

11. I can't stand up for very long. This was a problem before I was diagnosed, and this is how I found out I had cancer. I would be fine sitting down, but when I stood I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen to my legs and head. I would feel dizzy and tired. I napped a lot. I was diagnosed with low red blood cells (anemia). But then they had to find out what was causing the anemia . . . hello, cancer spreading to my liver.

This still plagues me, even though my red blood cell count is normal. I use a walker in stores unless I know the store has a great seating selection. 

12. I don't work. Right now I am not working because chemo lowers my immune system too much. Also I receive chemo every other week, so that is a lot of time to take off. But,  I have decided being a teacher does not support my lifestyle and I will probably not be going back to a full classroom. I can no longer deal with big class sizes, testing and being held accountable for test scores. If stress set off my cancer than we know what set off my stress. However, I would love to be a reading teacher and pull small groups. Even if it means a pay cut because I go to a new county or become an assistant or a tutor. 

i just wish I decided this three years ago, when B was an infant. But there is the money thing . . . and daycare . . . and a brand new car . . . and just the cost of diapers alone . . .

13. So I spend my days drawing, going to doctor appointments, scrapbooking, crafting, and playing with my son. 

Some examples:

Love, love, love the 9 4x4 squares!!!

An insert of 3 4x4s, front on the left and back on the right.

Today's sky on way to hospital for a CT scan. No filter was used. 

And some doodling I do, to relax my mind:

More doodles

I have learned one important thing this summer: the second I try to MAKE myself draw, I begin to hate it. I get bored, I squirm, I simply cannot focus. Within 15 minutes I feel like there is something else I should be doing. When I did complete a drawing, it was while something was playing on Netflix. Do I not know how to relax anymore? I have decided, this summer, that drawing will not be in my scope of interests anytime soon. I am putting the hobby back on the shelf and playing with things that have a little bit more instant gratification, like photography.

Having said that, I did do a few more drawings before throwing in the towel. And I will admit, they were fun:

I am sure there will come a time when I need to do a little art therapy again . . . but that time is NEVER when I have the time. I am too stress free to think about it now!

A Doodle A Day July

Happy Fourth!

The other day, while exploring Instagram, I found a lovely Asheville artist, who does a monthly challenge of doodle prompts. You can see the whole list of prompts on that link, and you can see her work here on Facebook. I love her doodles, and love this idea of no pressure drawing. I am actually using kid's Crayola markers. I am 98% sure I will only do this for July, but we'll see. Here is what I have for the first 4 prompts:

1. "Pop"

2. "Float"

 3. "Sparkling"

4. "Red, White and Blue"

Daily Art 10

Daily Art 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9

I know, I am already behind, and probably will be until school ends!

Daily Art 4:

Daily Art 2:

Around here . . .

This above picture was taken 2 days ago. Now it is snowing, and school is out. They have changed the forecast at least 52 times, so I guess we are getting somewhere between 0 and 15 inches!

Time

This week's theme for Illustration Friday is time. I wish I had more time to go over this doodle in pen!

Drawn January 5th, 2014.

Reflect

Here is my first attempt at Illustration Friday! This week's theme was reflect. Here are my thoughts:

1. The airplane is a little too big. And it needs a propeller.
2. My camera picked up on every little mistake/erased line - will have to work on that for next time.
3. I think I made the darker part of the trees on the wrong side, but I don't really think it matters. The trees are my favorite part.
4. I need stiffer paint brushes!
5. Also, I should have used water color paper - ooops.

All things considered, it was a fun little activity . . . and I can't wait to keep participating and doodling more in 2014!

B Jumping in Puddles

Drawn Dec. 25th, 2013