Around Here . . .

I don't like to swear on my blog, but last week (the last week of February) was just plain shitty. A close friend/co-teacher of many years, found out she too has cancer. My cancer was exhausting me, and I had a deep pain in my side. The pain could be tumors, or it could just have been something simple, like a pulled muscle, and because of cancer the pain is 10 times what it normally would have been. And it seemed like every plan I made fell through, sometimes at the last minute.

And who on earth keeps driving through our neighborhood at all different hours with no muffler on the car?!

I am happy to say that this past week was much better, even though it was a chemo week and I spent 46 hours attached to a pump . . .

. . . The side effects of chemotherapy are never the same for two people. For me, on my current cocktail of drugs, it causes constant sweating the first few hours. And it I am not sweating the liquids out, I am using the bathroom. On top of that, my nose and eyes run. It's like I am being squeezed through a juicer! Luckily if I keep drinking water the effects of the effects are minimal, except extreme eye irritation. Anyone who has seen me lately probably thinks I am stoned, or have been crying, or both. But I've been thinking, there are way worse things I have been through. There is way worse others have been through.

In other words, I am extremely thankful to be feeling this good lately!! If I didn't fall asleep every time I sat or laid down, I might actually feel normal!

So, to keep my mind off the craziness . . . and the chemotherapy . . . and the cancer . . . I have been doodling:

The one with the croc and gator is for Brycen, as this is a favorite new saying. 

Work in progress. 

And it takes a little preparation, but I love involving Brycen in art too:

We had a couple really nice days to bring March in as a lamb, not a lion this year:

Picnic on a park bench!! It's almost that time of year again. 

A trip to Ikea with a 4 year old is always delightful. We brought my wheelchair in case the long warehouse walk exhausted me. B and I ended taking turns pushing each other.

This day was NOT warm. It was a chilly, windy dry day. When Brycen removed his hat inside Ikea it looked like he had taken scissors and hacked his hair:

It was hard to not laugh as he talked to us, his hair was too much!

We also have been enjoying board games. I am going to do a post reviewing some games for kids under 4. I had no idea there were so many games though, and there a few I wish I had found when he was 18 months or 2!

Go Fish has been a crowd favorite around here, and since it is the (ADORABLE) alphabet version, it is really reinforcing letters for him! Although we read everyday, I haven't been teaching him reading skills as much as I was in January. Luckily he moved up to the 4 year old room at his school, and the teacher is very enthusiastic about reading skills!! This is the first time he's really learned academics, not just social skills.

And some completely random pictures:

Cancer awareness bracelets for every type of cancer that exists. I sadly need 2 melanomas, 2 lymphomas, 1 lung cancer, 1 uterine cancer and for myself, 1 colon cancer. That is too many bracelets, and it doesn't even count friends who have someone in THEIR life affected. It really puts things in perspective. Listen to your body, friends. 

Making tickets for a train ride. I just love him in a hat. 

Writing a thank you note (someone gave him a tub of legos after we attended Lego KidsFest). It might look like complete rubbish, but his one to one word correspondence is on point.

I am trying my best to take things day by day, but I do look forward to slightly warmer weather, trying out new playgrounds, friends visiting, and a lot more drawing!

What have you been up to lately? What are you looking forward to?

Around Here . . .

Around here we are learning to cook, and to read: 

Completing a lot of jigsaw puzzles, which takes over the dining room table, and means we have to have "picnic dinners" in the living room, which B LOVES.

Lots of playing, and some home repair work:

More cooking:

Why did we make this frozen treat on the coldest day of the year?  So cold B had his Spider Man slippers on without being asked! 

More playing:

I put this pictures on here because while the three of us were contently building, Brycen sighed and stated "I just love when the whole family does the same thing."

Very, very little reading:

I am on MAYBE page 5 of both and keep falling asleep. I am not sure if it is the exhaustion of cancer and chemo or if the books are boring (which I doubt).

Around here, I have been doodling when I am not putting puzzles together. I have learned that upstairs is exactly 600 degrees warmer than down, so if I don't want to fall asleep while drawing, I best do it downstairs.

I spied at B's daycare:

Brycen reports that he does need Tiny to listen to his woes. Great teaching strategy. I had a teddy bear when I taught kindergarten. 

And the best for last. (No, I am not suddenly cured of cancer). Yesterday my new oncologist asked me, basically, if I was enjoying life. I said, I don't get too bored but I miss working. And I miss traveling. But everything makes me so tired. I take a 2-3 hour nap almost every afternoon. For the second time in a week (I see a doctor at palliative care, which is basically end of life care, they manage my pain meds once a month) I was offered Ritalin. Thanks, but no thanks.  

We went on to talk about traveling, because this might be a really good time to start planning and going. We discussed what went wrong before on failed trips. He said I had to face it, camping and roughing it is NOT in the cards for me. He's right, it can be exhausting for healthy people! He was not as opposed to renting a camper van or RV - sort of a more glamping experience - IF i stay on the east coast. As for farther trips he would get me some meds to help me fly, because driving or taking a train out west would be too long and far from treatment. Also, get trip insurance for any flight because obviously, at the last minute I might not be able to go. And he recommended me taking a steroid everyday I'm gone to give me that boost I might need. In other words, so I don't sleep through my entire trip. 

There is a lot of ifs that I won't get into here, but if somehow I could have a dream trip, here are my thoughts:

-Fly to Albuquerque, rent an RV and camp near Santa Fe and Taos, maybe even Mesa Verde. Or maybe rent a car for Santa Fe and Taos, return to Albuquerque, rent an RV for Mesa Verde. Look, I am planning already.

-Fly to San Francisco, stay with a friend, and visit Yosemite - either by renting a camper van or staying in a lodge there. 

-Drive (with help) to Washington DC and take the Vermonter - a 10 hour train ride to Vermont, where I have friends in a tiny but lovely New England village called Weston. So tiny it doesn't even have schools - students are bussed 11 miles away. 

-all of the above!!

-for now, we might just stick to taking Brycen to my parent's house closer to the coast. I will need my steroids for keeping up with his energy!

38 Things about Me

I was intending to do this yesterday, on my actual birthday, but we ended up having visitors and a big dinner and I was detached from the chemo pump. I compare being detached from that awful poison to coming out of a  fog, which took a while yesterday. So anytime we didn't have company over, I was sound asleep.

(side note: we are suppose to get an awful ice storm today! Fingers crossed we do not lose power! Also it is 4:30 am and I don't know why I am awake).

Anyway, in honor of my 38th, here are 38 things about me:

1. I once taught the sweetest child in kindergarten, and his name was Brycen. And I knew if I ever had a baby boy, Brycen would be his name. And he is just as sweet.

2. Yet, we also considered Brennan for his name for the longest time.

3. I HATE the way Bryson looks in print.

4. I have driven across country 8 times:
     -Charlotte to San Diego and back (solo on way back).
     -Binghamton, NY to San Diego and back
     -Charlotte to Seattle and back (solo both ways).
      - Charlotte to Alaska and back (solo on way there)

5. I grew up and went to undergrad college in upstate New York.

6. I spent most of my high school and college years dreaming of leaving upstate New York.

7. If I had a do-over I would have moved to Vermont. I would have studied photography and taught elementary school in Vermont.

8. But I ended up in Charlotte, NC. A friend needed a roommate and I needed a place to live.

9. When Brycen was born, I stopped watching sports and listening to music. Well, I listen to a lot of classical music, but I could NOT tell you the top pop song in America right now. Most of my friends listen to country. I used to make CDs to listen to ALL the time. I loved Iron and Wine, Snow Patrol and Imogen Heap.

10. In 2009 my brother and I went to a ML Baseball playoff game, the Yankees won in overtime with some dramatic win. Meanwhile the people next to us got into a fight with the lady behind me and I ended up soaked in beer. It was a really great night, and my brother and I still quote the crazy people who sat around us still.

11. I love documentaries.

12. I have such a sweet tooth. I have been eating blueberries and Special K cereal to wean myself off sweets. A bad diet does NOT help cancer, especially colon cancer.

13. My favorite book of all time is the The Time Traveler's Wife. Don't judge me if you have only seen the movie. The book is way better.

14. I have never worn makeup. I think I would like to wear makeup.

15. If I was suddenly declared cancer free, and worked to get my muscles and energy back I would wear makeup. I would move to Asheville (maybe). I would travel A LOT.

16. I love cheese, but I am bad at picking out one cheese from another. I go to a party and I'm the one slamming back all the good expensive cheese.

17. I was a tomboy growing up. I would never wear skirts or dresses. Now skirts are over half my wardrobe, most no longer fit me.

18. I am constantly saying "sorry" to people. I have said sorry for saying sorry. It's something I am working on.

19. I have taught kindergarten for 6 years and first grade for 7 and second grade for about 8 weeks.

20. Or maybe if I had a do-over I would have got into illustration instead of teaching.

21. I love Junior Mints and popcorn. Together.

22. I can't go to sleep without brushing my teeth first. Ever.

23. I love watching my son grow up, learn new things, take everything in. I love that boy of mine.

24. My favorite movie is Dances with Wolves.

25. I have been to the following National Parks: Redwood, Mt. Rainier, Denali, Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Joshua Tree, Zion, Canyonlands, Arches, Capitol Reef, Bryce Canyon, Glacier, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Kenai Fjords, Shenandoah, and Great Smokies Mountains.

26. I devour blogs like I do a good book.

27. Orange juice makes me vomit. This is a new development, I used to drink it all the time, pre-cancer.

28. I rather listen than talk. And I would rather write than talk. Yet, I can't find the perseverance to write a novel about my life.

29. My favorite fruit is watermelon. Especially fresh from a road side farmer's stand in the middle of a hot summer day. My favorite vegetable are red peppers.

30. It turns out I strongly dislike brussel sprouts. But I gave them a try at least.

31. I can be judgmental. I am aware of this.

32. I love my family.

33. And I love my friends who are like family.

34. I actually like doing laundry.

35. The first time it snowed when I was living in Alaska, I hit ice and my car slid neatly into the curb. I got studs on my tires the next day. For someone who grew up in upstate NY and learned to drive in bad conditions, I was a horrible driver in Alaska.

36. Growing up, my family - My mom, my dad, my brother and I - would rent a cottage on the St. Lawrence River for a week. We swam and fished and colored the sunsets and went for boat rides and hikes and bike rides. We went into town for ice cream. Best vacations ever. This is where my ashes will be spread.

37. A lot of my friends call me Kare Bear, but I never really thought of it as a nickname. I call Brycen Bryce-cakes, rhymes with rice cakes.

38. I have never broken a bone in a body! (knocking on wood).

Correction. I did wear makeup once, at my best friend's wedding.